While surfing the internets, I found this list of drummer jokes that someone has maliciously edited into bass player jokes. These are the worst ones. This is not funny at all. This is the sort of thing that gives guitarists a bad name.
Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one - but the guitarist has to show him first.
All the little bits and bobs that I used to order cheap from China have become much harder to get. eBay is a shadow of what it was just a year ago, there is not nearly as much cheap loothery supplies. But even if you find something, half the time it just disappears in shipping. Or at least it seems to disappear in shipping - a lot of tracking numbers from China are completely imaginary. As soon as you order something, they issue a tracking number to lock it in. That doesn't mean it shipped, or that it ever will! Fortunately, eBay makes it pretty easy to get your money back from such scammers.